Baby, It's Cold Outside, But I'm Not Saying That In Order To Imply That You Should Sleep With Me Out Of Fear Or A Sense Of Obligation, I Am Truly Concerned About Your Health

While running a couple errands around town yesterday, I was writing a blog post in my head about how "Baby, It's Cold Outside" is such a cute song, except for the rape part. And how we should just change the rapey lyrics to save the song. Changing lyrics on classic Christmas tunes has been done! Sort of. There are a couple different versions of "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas," after all. (I prefer the Judy Garland version from Meet Me In St. Louis.) (Because it's sadder and because it's Judy.) But then when I got home, what to my G-reader-scanning eyes did appear?! The same kind of blog post, all up in here. So, with the caveat that you possibly will believe that I am a lying plagiarist of ideas (I'M NOT), here's how I plan to change the lyrics:

I was thinking that in my version the woman is trying to get the man to stay. (Snap!) But then I discovered that She & Him already did this. (Nothing about you is ever original.) Anyhoodle, lyric changes in bold.

I really can't stay - Baby it's cold outside
I've got to go away - Baby it's cold outside
This evening has been - Been hoping that you'd drop in
So very nice - I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice
My mother will start to worry - Beautiful, what's your hurry?
My father will be pacing the floor - Listen to the fireplace roar
So really I'd better scurry - Beautiful, please don't hurry
Well maybe just a half a drink more - Put some music on while I pour

The neighbors might think - Baby, it's bad out there
But, this is a swell drink... - No cabs to be had out there
I wish I knew how - Your eyes are like starlight now
To break this spell - I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell
I ought to say no, no, no, ma'am - Mind if I move a little closer
Couldn't resist you, not if I tried - Later we can go for a ride
I really can't stay - Baby don't front! 
Ahh, but it's cold outside...

C'mon baby

I simply must go - Baby, it's cold outside
The answer is no - Oh, well in that case if you want to go...
This welcome has been - I'm lucky that you dropped in
So nice and warm -- Look out the window at that storm
My sister will be suspicious - Man, your lips look so delicious
My brother will be there at the door - Waves upon a tropical shore
My aunt's virginity is totally relevant - But if you want to go, your coat's by the door...
Well maybe just a half a drink more - The more you talk, you sound like a bore

I've got to go home - Oh, baby, you'll freeze out there
Say, lend me your comb - No really, you're going to get hypothermia
You've really been grand - Your eyes are like starlight now (it's the gleam of future hypothermia)
But don't you see - How can you do this thing to me
There's bound to be talk tomorrow - Those bitches are just jealous, what a sorrow
At least there will be plenty implied - If you caught pneumonia and died
I really can't stay - Which I completely accept
Ahh, but it's cold outside

Baby it's cold outside

Brr its cold...
It's cold out there
Cant you stay awhile longer baby
Well... I really shouldn't... but who are we kidding, I totally want to stay

Make it worth your while baby (by brewing some yummy cocoa)
Ahh, brew that cocoa again...